Bobby Jindal’s Republican Response
Last night the official Republican Response was addressed by Louisiana’s Governor Bobby Jindal. Who thought that volcano monitoring was a bad idea and that President Obama shouldn’t spend the tax payers money on this pointless endeavor. I agree that spending money so someone can babysit a volcano would be a waste of time. What point is there in that really? I mean the village idiot could sit at the top of the Volcano so that he could inform everyone when it exploded. Too bad Jindal had it wrong. That’s right, Jindal heard Volcano Monitoring when in actuality it was Volcano Monitors.
Save Your Marriage With Volcano Monitors
President Obama realizes that 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce and that this ultimately hurts our economy. Obama’s new slogan for his save the marriage stimulus package is Save The Marriage – Save The World. How does he propose to save marriages? With a little device called Volcano Monitors. A Volcano Monitor is a device that is attached to your wife’s arm that keeps track of her blood pressure much like a heart monitor does, but this is better (don’t ask me how, it just is). When you begin running your mouth at your wife and say things that you will later regret her volcano monitor starts beeping loudly. So loud that it will cause you to lose your train of thought and promptly shut your mouth and thus ending the argument.
This man is happy after buying a Volcano Monitor for each of his 6 wives!
Obama Brings Hope To Our Economy
With 100% of marriages succeeding Obama knows that this will mean more spending. More spending equals more money in his America’s pocket. Each monitor cost 40 US dollars and can be purchased at Radio Shack and Walmart. No need to worry about the price though because the government will send each household one 40 dollar off coupon making it easy and affordable to *receive your volcano monitor.
*Volcano Monitors may not be available in every state. The government will surely run out of coupons and put you on a waiting list. Mormons who are married to more than one wife can request up to 14 coupons. Marriages that end in death because of the Volcano Monitor are the sole responsibility of the Volcano Owner. President Obama cannot be held accountable for your actions.