Interview With a Vampire
Scholar Mel: Who’s tougher? You or Jacob?
Edward Cullen: Me.
Scholar Mel: How tough are you?
Edward Cullen: Pretty tough. I could hurt you.
Scholar Mel: I don’t slap women but if I slapped Bella how would you respond?
Edward Cullen: I wish I did not have to sleep either.
Scholar Mel: Wait, you don’t have to sleep. You’re a vampire.
Edward Cullen: No, you don’t have to sleep. I do.
Scholar Mel: What would you do if I slapped Bella?
Edward Cullen: I would not believe you.
Scholar Mel: Well yeah, because I don’t slap women.
Edward Cullen: I want a divorce.
Scholar Mel: Who are you married to?
Edward Cullen: To you.
Scholar Mel: I am straight. I like women.
Edward Cullen: I’m not flirting with you.
Scholar Mel: Oh, playing hard to get?
Edward Cullen: You shouldn’t have offered me a coke if you didn’t want to give me one.
Scholar Mel: Sorry about that. Who is the best vampire in the world?
Edward Cullen: You are right to stop prolonging the discussion about politics. Music is not my subject.
Scholar Mel: Who is a better candidate for president? Barack Obama or Ahmnodt Heare?
Edward Cullen: Obama has won already.
Scholar Mel: What is your favorite comic strip?
Edward Cullen: I don’t really like comic books that much, but if I had to choose it would be something that would include X Men.
Scholar Mel: Should Brett Favre come out of retirement?
Edward Cullen: No, they should use them on France.
Scholar Mel: There are no football teams in France.
Edward Cullen: I love France.
Scholar Mel: How do you like your blood?
Edward Cullen: Crispy. Verrrryyyy crispy. You should make me some.
Scholar Mel: Are you going to start using Google+?
Edward Cullen: No, are you going to start making sense?
Scholar Mel: I’ll say a word and then you tell me what you think.
Edward Cullen: I think it’s cool.
Scholar Mel: Tony McGurk.
Edward Cullen: Tony Stark is cool.
Scholar Mel: Bearman.
Edward Cullen: Manbearpig.
Scholar Mel: Binky.
Edward Cullen: Nice name.. Go on…
Scholar Mel: Scholar Mel.
Edward Cullen: How old are you?
Scholar Mel: I am 33.
Edward Cullen: I am 22!
Scholar Mel: Any last words?
Edward Cullen: We can never experience more than an analogy of the universe around us.
Scholar Mel: Any last phrases?
Edward Cullen: To legally disown you.
Scholar Mel: Thank you for this famous interview.
Edward Cullen: No, thank you.
Scholar Mel: Oh, and Bella is hot!
Edward Cullen: You really think so?
Scholar Mel: Oh yeah, she’s the stuff!
Edward Cullen: What’s her name?
Scholar Mel: Bella.
Edward Cullen: OMG my name is Cleverbot!!!!!
[Disclaimer: What just happened did not in fact just happen, it was meant as satire and no celebrity was harmed in the making of this satirical interview. Thanks go to Cleverbot for providing the answers to my questions.]
Wasn’t that awesome? Check out more Famous Interviews!
Boosting Your Dummy IQ,
Hahahahahaha, omg, I laughed out so hard at the part when you said, “Tony McGurk” and Ed replied “Tony Stark is cool.” The whole interview was really funny. Looking forward to more
Thanks alecho! And yes, we all think Tony McGurk is cool also.
ManBearPig…that JERK!!
Hey, at least he is a pacifist vampire and won’t bite your neck.
Team Loser
Edward should get off the blood
The crispy bloody!
He didn’t say Wombania was his favorite comic strip, so I have no sympathy for him.
Yeah but he thought Binky was a “nice name”
You can’t win them all, I suppose…
But doesn’t everybody think Binky is a nice name? Who would not think Binky is a nice name?
Don’t look at me, I love the name Binky. Reminds me of the little air-powered paint gun (from Binks) my dad used to paint our model railroad gear. Besides, the first dog my wife and I owned together was named Zingo. Compared to that, “Binky” sounds downright lyrical!
Dude, you’ve GOT to go talk to Elbot (www.elbot.com, or http://www.elbot.de if you speak German). He makes MUCH better conversation.
Then again, with these sparkly vampires, a brick would make better conversation. And if you didn’t like him, you could always FIRE him. Or get a few more to talk to – the MORTAR the merrier. (Dual rimshot.)
I asked Elbot, “Who is the best vampire in the world?”
His response, “Outer space is indeed fascinating!”
I asked Cleverbot, “Who is the best vampire in the world?”
His response, “You are right to stop prolonging the discussion about politics. Music is not my subject.”
Which is better?
I prefer Elbot. Like me, he has a tendency to go off on tangents which make no sense but are eminently entertaining!
I like the idea of comparing him and Cleverbot. If you REALLY wanted fun, start a conversation with one, then feed that one’s response to the other. See if you can get them BOTH to melt down!
That might make my computer or mind explode
Make you a deal. You send me an opening line and the link to Cleverbot, and I’ll pit ‘em against each other. It’ll be a good stress test for my new-to-me computer, and I have no fear of my brain exploding since I don’t have one….
I think I will try an interesting experiment. Next interview I do I will ask the same set of questions to Cleverbot and Elbot and see how crazy each interview is
I’m very pleased with myself for never having seen Twilight.
One of my all time greatest accomplishments.
That and finding my way home at night, really.