[This is part of the How to do Everything Correctly Series. Check out the other posts!]
Is your child the best kid on the block but you are kind of sick of his or her Goody two-shoes attitude? Would you like to see them change into a complete unrespectful butthole? If so, then follow these simple steps to having the worst brat imaginable.
10 Easy Steps to Raising a Spoiled Brat
- Leave The Binky In (not the wombat): Have you ever seen idiot parents let their six-year-old keep their binky in their mouth? Yeah, do that and you are getting closer to
being a complete moronhaving a brat on your hands. - Red Kool-Aid: There is something in the red dye that will make your kid a spoiled brat. I think it is the blood of wombats but really that is just a rumor.
- Let Them Watch WWE: Want to see junior body-slam your youngest into the glass coffee table? Make sure they watch Wrestlemania!
- Count To 3: Go ahead and count to 3 but then make sure you don’t do anything after that.
- Serve Dessert: Give them something sweet to eat and make sure it is before supper.
- Spare The Rod: To spank or not to spank, that is the question. Well if you want a brat then the answer is spare, spare, spare!
- No Curfew: Let your 8-year-old come home when he wants. It’s better that way and it frees you from the thing called parenting.
- Cigarettes: Let them take up the habit of smoking.
- Brat Formula: 17 + no homework + being in the 3rd grade = BRAT.
- Your Turn: Leave tip #10 in the comments!
I followed just 1 of the above guidelines and that’s more than enough for me to have a brat on my hands. I am of course, referring to No. 6
.
Btw, how ridiculous does that girl look in her big-kid clothes and that stupid soother (that’s what it’s called here) in her mouth.
Do you know who that little girl is with the soother? Makes a little more funny.
As a fan of wrestling I take offense to that. You show a kid that a power slam really hurts every once in a while and they stay on the straight and narrow. Now on the other hand, you may be raising a future bully but that is another list.
Thanks for the idea! How to raise a bully. I’ll save it for another time.
Do you do the power slam or does one of children slam the other one? Wait, do you even had kids?
The best way to raise a brat is to take the child to a department store with unlimited credit that you will pay off.
Tip #10! Thank you Ahmnodt.
Watcha’ gonna do,
win brat-o-mania runs wild on you, brother!
Or when.
I can have it either way.
Because I’m a brat, too.
Ohhhh Yeahhhhhhh!
I’m the Macho Brat Randy Butthole!!! Oh Yeahhh!
That was an ironically timed comment.
RIP Macho Man
Kind of a bummer.
Who will slap it to all those Slim Jims now, Scholar Mel?
I do not know…
Leave the Binky in??
Blood of a wombat??
I’m sending my BratPack Army over to straighten you out, mister!
I know it sounded bad but it was actually only the blood of a wombat you should be a little concerned about.
I can’t help it that you were named after a pacifier.
Only in crazy countries do they call a pacifier a binky!!
USA then = Crazy… I’m not sure anybody will argue with you.
Sheez just sign them up for a reality show, make a fortune off them and then you can become the ultimate bitch of the brood. Oh wait a minute Kate’s already done that!
Kate? Is that the lady with the 8 children?
I don’t won’t to be the bitch of the brood, I’d rather be the glitch of the nude.
Haha genius! Going to suggest these to my wife lol.
Glad I could help
That kid with the “Binky” looks just plain stupid. Sadly this list is so true of many parents today
My #10 is let them decide their own bedtime.
Good #10. That kid belongs to Tom Cruise. I thought I would let you know because nobody has noticed yet.
I’ve heard that about red Kool-Aid. My doctor recommended not allowing my stepson to not ingest drinks with that red dye to reduce his ill-behavior outbursts. I’ll try the rest of the list and see what happens.
All the best George!
I’m a public school teacher, so I know a little about this topic! I’d say #10 has to be, “Be sure to defend everything your child does.” Did your little prince or princess get in trouble for failing a class, cursing out a teacher, or bringing illegal substances to school? Well by all means, you should show your love by marching into that principal’s office and explaining why it’s everyone’s fault except your child’s! Hey, if you get really good at it, maybe you’ll be able to talk his boss out of firing him or the police out of arresting him…talents you’ll definitely be needing in a few years.
Ugh, I hope I am never that parent. These type of people hurt our society.
If you need “the rod” you have already failed as a parent. I’m really sorry, but in all honesty, there are no bad kids. Only bad parents. Everything your kid does is something he/she learned from, or felt was condoned by, you.
So, Nishita, in summary, you’re blaming your kid for living up to the example you set, and failing even harder when accusing the lack of violence instead of your own shortcomings and the consequenses thereof.
Funny thing, that, because even though it might look like what you’re doing is the opposite of Beth’s nr. 10, the psychological mechanisms are identical. And those are the very same mechanisms that makes you think it’s ok to beat a child, but not an adult. And certainly not you.
If you think it’s ok to beat children, however, you’re definately on my list of people who deserves a solid thrashing.
But if you replace nr. 6 with “Use lies, intimidation, violence and negative emotional manipulation instead of actual parenting.”, and add as nr. 10 something along the lines of “Make no demands, proffer no consequence, allow no stability or consistency.”, I’d say you’re close to something almost workable.
Oh, and “udder” is not the same as “utter”. I might have missed a joke in there, being as boring and pedantic as I am, but I fail to see how the bovine mammalia is in any way related. . .. . Oh, just noticed the “Udderly ridiculous” tab on top of the page. And you call yourself a scholar. For shame, Mel, for shame.
Do you really think that you in this situation would learn faster if I shouted at you and put you to the belt instead of simply pointing out the error of your ways and providing you with a solution? Are you seriously suggesting that any powerless and inexperienced human being deserves a beating for getting it wrong?
If so, I’d be happy to oblige.
This is a site of satire. The whole post is written in a satirical manner.
Please see: http://dummiesoftheyear.com/disclaimer-2
I’m taking it you don’t like my udders
There are bad parents for sure. But people are born with the desire for selfishness. People are people. As adults we should strive not to a be selfish human being and teach our children not to be one either.
Thanks for commenting and since this is your first comment we will not pass judgement
Peace
I admit to having a blanket until i was 6. But i grew to be a well- rounded, unselfish, contributor to society