Here are some Old Fashioned Advertisements that would never see the light of day… um, today. Okay, well except for the first ad.
Carlsberg is probably the best beer in the world… maybe… really, uhhhh, who knows for sure. The company who makes Carlsberg has absolutely no idea.
They think we are going to love them for their honesty but because of it I like them less. A better slogan would have been:
Carlsberg: Our beer tastes like beer.
They would have gained some Google Plus Points with me if they had used my slogan.
AT&T, you want me to do what??? Reach out and get sexual harassment charges? No thank you!
Okay, maybe I am jumping to conclusions. After all, the lady in the photo above is reaching out and touching a phone and all smart people know that phones are things and not a someone.
So AT&T’s slogan meant to say:
Reach out and touch something.
Since most of us reading this post are logical, we do realize that touching something leads to touching someone.
For example,
let’s say I touched your skirt (something)
this logically leads to me
touching your butt (technically a butt belongs to a someone).
We have come full circle.
L&M Filter Cigarettes are just what the doctor ordered. Who the crap is he ordering them for? His patients?
Doctor: “Your lungs are way too healthy. I am going to write you up a script for 55 x-rays without lead coverings and I am going to special order you L&M Cigarettes!”
Patient: “But Doc, you get to smoke Camels. Your healthcare coverage must be awesome!”
Doctor: “I said they were ‘special ordered!’ Geez! What more do you want from me!?
Patient: “Camels… you bastard.” 
While doctors give there patients second-rate cigarettes like L&M, they make sure to smoke the best, which everybody knows Camels are the awesomest.
Notice in the photo above that they mention your T-Zone.
T for Taste…
T for Throat…
I have smoked a cigarette before. To be honest it tasted like crap. I have also kissed a smoker before and I could have swore that I kissed the wrong end.
Cigarettes have always irritated my throat. But then again, I have never smoked a Camel so maybe I am missing out.
One last thing. Did you notice the subliminal message? M and D are red while the rest of the letters are black. Camels wants you to know that it is Medical Doctors and not Doctors of Toyology who prefer camels.
You build your own house and you brag. You brag big time! And do you know why you brag big time?
Because, your house is built with your own two hands!
FIAT might as well being saying:
FIAT: Handbuilt by Robots. Starving People to Death.
Because they admitted to laying people off.
Shame on you FIAT!
Rule #1 to brand mottos? Never be honest.
From the minds of morons, yet they made millions. “Where’s the Beef” was another. Yet today I can’t find it on a Wendys hamburger.
There are a lot of moronic millionaires out there.
Have you found a finger in your chili yet?
I’ll happily admit I’m a moron, Mel
(so the check is probably in the mail, right – because I could use a few million)?!
When I first read this I thought you said, “I’ll happily admit I’m a Mormon.”
I was confused.
If you get the check would you please split it with me?
And in a moment of commenter panic I just Googled moron. Just to be sure.
Hahaha… I’ll see what I can do!
You had to Google Mormon?
I remember we were at sea for a couple of weeks once & the ship’s canteen ran outta cigarettes except for the filterless Camels.I bought some just to get my addiction by till we got bac to port & I thought they were gross. I only continued smoking them because my stupid body needed the nicotine. I quit about 20 years ago & haven’t looked back.
The text when you’re typing in your comment form is really feint. I can barely see what I’m typing
I smoked a cigarette once without a filter. I seriously thought I was going to puke.
I’ll see what I can do about the font color.
How does one smoke a filterless camel?
Just light one end & suck smoke from the other. The bonus of them being filterless is you can choose whichever end you want to suck on
We could also just grind up the camel and then eat it. Psst, don’t tell PETA.
PETA? People for the Eating of Tasty Animals?
That’s what PETA stands for? It’s so strange that their cover is to protect animals.
They claim to protect animals so they can have more to themselves. And they protect the rare ones, because they are tastier. After all, if alligator “tastes like chicken”, why the heck is it considered a delicacy?
I saw a friend eat an alligator tail once. It was some of the fattiest stuff I had ever seen.
My grandma smoked up until the last 13 years of her life. The last 1 year she kept chewing gum for those last years as replacement. My mom won’t stop smoking until they peel the Pall Malls out of her cold, dead hands.
My mom also smokes and I don’t think she will ever stop.
It’s unbelievable that there used to be ads like the ones above.
In reverse order:
With FIAT’s reputation (or lack thereof) for quality, “handbuilt” suggests the same garbage they’ve turned out for decades. maybe they need to try “Robot-built by hand”, thus suggesting machine-like reliability AND hand-built quality. Or just admit they’re doing the best with the crap they have, and move along!
Smoke a camel? You ever try to light one of those animals? And I sure as Hell ain’t gonna try to suck ANYTHING out of them! I’ll stick with goats.
And no picking on the old Bell System! I’m an SOB (Son of Bell) – Dad did 39 years with Illinois Bell, before they broke the old Bell System up. And you won’t touch my skirt, ’cause I ain’t wearing one, but if you want to touch my butt, well, we can work something out.
Here in Germany FIAT look like nice cars. I haven’t seen them in the US. I’ll take your word for it. All I do know is that they need to change their slogan.
Smoke a Camel, not smoke a camel. See the difference? One has to be careful to notice the distinction otherwise you might just get spit in your eye
Cigarette’s have butts. Does that mean Camel’s have asses?
I am assuming that Bell used to be the Bomb back in the day but now they are just frustrating. Here is a typical conversation if one wants to cancel their service:
Me: I would like to cancel my service.
AT&T: Okay, let me transfer you.
AT&T: How can I help you?
Me: I would like to cancel my service.
AT&T: Okay, let me transfer you.
AT&T: How can I help you?
Me: I would like to cancel my service.
AT&T: Okay, let me transfer you.
AT&T: How can I help you?
So on and so forth…
And finally. If you aren’t wearing a skirt then I guess I would have to touch your butt BUT can I just pass
From what I’ve smelled of Camels cigarettes, a camel’s butt might be a step or two up in the world.
FIATs have actually gotten pretty good – not great, but good. When they were last in the States, FIAT was often referred to as the acronym “Fix It Again Tony”. Let’s just say that compared to them, Yugos often came out on top.
The Bell System was good in the old days. Then some jackass Federal judge broke it up to encourage competition. Business rates stayed the same, personal rates quintupled, reliability dropped faster than the stock market in 1929, and now you have endless automated “help” systems – they help psychiatrists recruit business!
Since you’re in Germany and I’m in Ohio in the US, you would REALLY have to reach out to touch me!
And in conclusion, I just experienced an earthquake! We had some small ones up in the Chicago area, but I always lived under the flight paths going into O’Hare airport, so the jets rumbling over tended to out-shake them. There was a 5-point-something outside Richmond Virginia, and we felt a slow rolling vibration for a bit! Interesting!
I lived in Oklahoma most of my life (thus far) so I naturally had to take Oklahoma History.
I learnt that Oklahoma has the most earthquakes in the US but they are so far underneath the surface of the earth that we aren’t able to feel them. Not sure if that is true but it is neat to say that I am from the state that has the most earthquakes.
You are the 4th person to mention the earthquake. The other 3 that I know live in New Jersey, New York, and Maryland.
I had never even heard of FIAT until I moved to Germany. In the south we just have Chevy and Ford.
By the by, about American attitudes toward FIATs, there’s an old saying. “Europeans don’t care if their brakes make noise, as long as they work. Americans don’t care if their brakes work, as long as they don’t make noise.”
Sounds like the same situation to me but it is late and I am tired and I may not be using the best judgment.
Sorry, my humour doesn’t translate well, especially late at night. Americans want their cars to not intrude on their lives. The American version of the Camry is a refrigerator – no performance, no soul, just an appliance. Europeans like style, flair, and performance, hence Europe being the home of Ferrari and Audi, among many other fine makes. I’d KILL for an Opel Astra wagon, but Americans want big, ugly trucks. Europeans HATE our SUVs, and for good reason.
Maybe I need to join you in Deutschland? I do speak a bit of German, re-enacted as a German WW2 soldier, and ADORE European cars. I’d move to France, but French cars, to me, are FAR worse than FIATs….
One reason they don’t like SUV’s is because it cost something like 6 dollars a gallon for gas.
I am thankful to ride a bike.
If you grow your hair out a little long and put your earring in you can be a modern day German solider.
And that’s the problem with SUVs – they’re built for comfort. It’s easy to be comfortable at 8 mpg. My family’s station wagon was a 1970 Chevy Brookwood – bigger than a modern Suburban, tail-gunner seat, sat 9 easy, 12 if you crowded, and you could watch the gas gauge drop, even on a nearly-30 gallon tank.
I love Opels, though I would kill for an E300 4-Matic! A Volvo V50 with the turbo-6 would be nice, too, if cost-no-option. The FIAT Stilo with the turbo-diesel 5 looks sweet, if they’re still making it. As strange as it sounds, though, my absolute European fave is a Skoda Octavia AWD with the turbo 2-litre 4. Yeah, it’s a Golf Estate, but it just looks so much better than a Golf. Though that “TwinCharger” 1.4 VW has is SWEET, especially in the Golf Estate.
Meanwhile, my most likely replacement car is a SUBARU! YAWN!!! (We don’t get turbo Legacys.)
I think it is odd when I see a full size Chevy or Hummer on the small streets of Germany. I think to myself, “We have Euro Millionaires who live here!?”
Since you’re an Okie, I’ll forgive you. Otherwise, I’d sick the Mopar community on ya! How DARE you discredit the memory of Richard Petty and the Superbird? May your current car break down and leave you driving a Dacia. I’d say a SEAT, but they’re VWs under the skin, and I like VW. Nothing like a Romanian Renault to terrorise a European!
The quake was felt as far west as Illinois, south to Georgia, and up into NYC. It’s the ground structure – lotsa rock to transmit forces long-distance, as opposed to the mushier West Coast.
That’s okay, we’re brewing up a nice hurricane to shoot at NYC and DC. I’m hoping for a thorough wash of the Houses of Congress…..
I don’t currently own a car
We can only hope that the House of Congress gets thoroughly washed.
Welcome back! And that’s no moronic slogan.
The cigarettes recommended by doctors is pretty scary, really. How many poor people got sucked into smoking because they thought it wouldn’t hurt them?
I wonder how many prescription pills people take today because the commercials make it sound like they are good for you.
Adderall
WARNING: POTENTIAL FOR ABUSE
See full prescribing information for complete boxed warning
• Amphetamines have a high potential for abuse; prolonged administration may lead to dependence.
• Misuse of amphetamines may cause sudden death and serious cardiovascular adverse reactions
Lite Beer from Miller – “Everything you always wanted in a beer… and less.” Most Americans want more from their beer but usually settle for Budweiser.
“How is American beer like making love in a canoe?”
“‘Cause it’s f**king close to water!”
(With thanks to Monty Python.)
This and your last comment went to spam. Have no clue as to why.
Less Filling! Taste Great!
I hate American Beer. Give me a dark Bavarian, heavy on the yeast and wheat
Hey, I left a Python joke about American beer, and it disappeared. Was it because it revolved around the “F” word? (I didn’t type the whole word – I have a LITTLE biyt of decency left.
)
It would have made sense for you to land in spam if you used the whole word. Not really sure why you landed there though?
Wait, you have decency left??
HAHAHAHAHA!!! “But Doc, you get to smoke Camels. Your healthcare coverage must be awesome!” Epic!
Thank you, thank you
McDonald’s Happy Meal. There’s nothing happy about listening to 3 kids in the back of a minivan whine about not getting the toy they wanted and how the fine chef in the kitchen forgot to take off the pickles on the ever-delicious cheeseburger. Just thinking about it make me want a Camel and a Carlsberg…and I don’t even smoke.
Love the new look.
I love the pickles on my Happy Meal, it helps drown out the bland taste.
I don’t have children yet but I bet I would be tempted to light one up also if they were arguing over the wrong toy.
Thank you for the compliment on the new look!