Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer sat down with me when I really think he should have sat down with a shrink.  He is a sexually confused deer.  One minute he is talking about liking men and then the next women.

Rudolph hasn’t been on a run in over 500 years, he needs to be kept far away from our children and he thinks Santa Claus has committed treason.  Enjoy!

Mel: Thank you for talking with me Rudolph.

Rudolph: You are welcome. Thank you.

Mel: What is the North Pole like?

Rudolph: A star in the north.

Mel: Everybody wants to know how rough your childhood was growing up.

Rudolph: Who do you like better, machines or people?

Mel: Who do you like better, machines or people?

Rudolph: I can’t tell the difference.

Mel: Oh, that’s so sad.

Rudolph: You’re sad.

Mel: Up yours, you red nosed freak!

Rudolph: How should I know?

Mel: Know what?

Rudolph: That you are not lying?

Mel: What do you think I am lying about?

Rudolph: You just denied saying something you said a few seconds ago. That’s what we HUMANS call a lie.

Mel: Rudolph, you’re not a human. You’re a deer.

Rudolph: You’re a robot. I am a human.

Mel: You’re cold and heartless.

Rudolph: I know you are.

Mel: Let’s move on you jerk.

Rudolph: Ok, choose a subject.

Mel: What do you think of Santa Claus?

Rudolph: She’s also a good person, but I think she might also be a bit unprepared for the task of President.

Mel: Speaking of presidents, what do you think of Ahmnodt Heare for president?

Rudolph: No.

Mel: Wow!? Would you like to expound on that a bit?

Rudolph: No, that’s OK with me.

Mel: Are you helping Santa this Christmas Eve?

Rudolph: With?

Mel: Delivering toys!

Rudolph: Like Barbie dolls?

Mel: Wow, are those still popular? How long has it been since you helped Santa?

Rudolph: It has been 500 years.

Mel: Did you ever marry Clarice?

Rudolph: No.

Mel: Why didn’t you marry her?

Rudolph: It’s an insult. You are the embodiment of evil and sin. People are meant to hate you.

Mel: Do you prefer male or females?

Rudolph: Males.

Mel: How are you and Hermey doing?

Rudolph: I don’t have a boyfriend! I am a boy! So therefore I would have a girlfriend!

Mel: Settle down! You actually said you prefer men so I just assume, like a bad Barbara Walters interview, that you were gay.

Rudolph: I never said that. Please! Do you think John still likes Nare?

Mel: What would you like to say to all of the Children?

Rudolph: I would like to feast on its collective heart.

Mel: Dear God! No I didn’t say Deer God. You are sick!

Rudolph: Yes you did. And no I am not.

Mel: In closing is there anything you want to tell Santa?

Rudolph: Piling treason upon treason, you won’t get away with this!

[Disclaimer: What just happened did not in fact just happen, it was meant as satire and no celebrity was harmed in the making of this satirical interview. Thanks go to Cleverbot for providing the answers to my questions.]

 

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